Having enlisted my loyal assistant's help for the last post, I'm back again with your weekly snark.
Let's see who can follow directions and who our teenage rebels are. But wait, first we get to play a trivia game to see how stupid these people are. Mike says this is like Gordon Ramsay's tasting test for idiots. Wait a sec, Yo Gabba Gabba Donna is a lunch lady? I sure hope she wasn't cooking the food!
Each team has to make an Italian classic dish, but they also need to figure out the rest of the recipe by committee. They do both manage to fill in the blanks correctly, but can they follow it? Ginny thinks that you dredge chicken by sprinkling it with a little flour (Mike thinks she needs to stop winging it), and Lawrence thinks that prosciutto and bacon are the same thing. Lazy Latina is having trouble understanding English well enough to read the recipe...she cannot pronounce or understand the word "finely" in the direction "finely chopped." Holgie has trouble identifying what part of the parsley to use and says the last time she followed a recipe it was the Summer of Love and she was handing out flowers in Haight-Ashbury. You know, out of everyone here, I'd expect her to be the MOST familiar with various herbs, not the least! She's still doing better than Gospel Ty, who as never seen a recipe before in his life. I want my Maryland boy to do well, but so far today he has had no idea what a plantain is and, in his own words, had more of a spit than a sauce for his chicken marsala.
Red Team Results: Manbun Nick was able to actually diagnose his own mistake. Good boy! Chanda is trying to kill Anne with raw chicken, but her sauce is good. Taylor cooked his chicken well but needs to learn about the Salt Life. Yo Gabba Gabba Donna ran her steps together like she runs her words together, and nothing cooked properly as a result. Lazy Latina also needs a dose of salty goodness. Gospel Ty had his chicken blessed by an angel, but the other ingredients did not have a chance to cook together long enough for their own spiritual awakening.
Blue Team: Maryland boy shows off the rural with his grammar, but he does at least know what he did wrong. Holgie did better than I expected, but her sauce is floating in a sea of fat from too much butter. Yes, Holgie found a way to ruin butter. Lawrence, on the other hand, found a way to make Tyler unable to taste the chicken in the chicken marsala. Ginny, who I see is from close to where I was in Maryland, apparently was hogging the salt shaker that the red team couldn't find. Rachel seems like the winner so far, while the best Cindy can say about her dish is that it looks pretty.
Manbun won the red team, and Holgie actually won on the blue side. Wow, Maryland's really representing, as Ernie and Ginny are sharing the shame of the Blue bottom. Lazy Latina and Yo Gabba Gabba Donna are told by Anne that they need to calm down because they are on the bottom. However, this was not an elimination segment, so let's see if any of these four can claw their way out of the dungeon.
So in today's technique tutorial, Anne and Tyler are teaching them to stuff their meat properly. Oh, baby! Tyler's team is basically making an Oscar-stuffed filet, but he's not calling it that since most of them couldn't tell Steak Oscar from Oscar the Grouch. It will have crispy potatoes on the side. The water for parboiling the potatoes should be as salty as the ocean...I think Ginny can handle that! Anne's team is making a mushroom and blue cheese-stuffed tenderloin with haricot verts and a potato-celery root puree. Five bucks says at least half the purees are as thin as the sauce on the meat and all but one of the other half are chunky from the veggies being underdone. Also, now taking bets on who complains first about haricot verts not just being called green beans. Yo Gabba Gabba Donna mistakes shiitake for shih-tzu. No, honey, we're making Western food, not Korean. Taylor makes me laugh comparing blanching to Golden Girls, but will he be the one to forget the ice bath in his comedy routine? Going back to the blue team, I fully expect someone to forget to tie the meat and someone to tie it so tightly and badly that everything is squeezed out. Blue team is lucky that Tyler has them making the Bernaise in a blender rather than by hand, though. Each team gets a different method for stuffing, with Tyler cutting around his tenderloin to flatten it out and roll it up again and Anne cutting a pocket and piping the stuffing in. I already said what I think Tyler's team will do to screw up, I think Anne's kids are going to either make the pockets too small or so big they cut the meat in half.
Cooking time. Lazy Latina and Yo Gabba Gabba Donna are right next to each other. Because Anne wanted to keep the explosion contained or something? Either way, they can't even figure out what a quarter cup is when they work together. Tyler and Anne are snarking between them as they watch. Holgie cuts her meat properly and then proceeds to put her meat-covered hands to her mouth. However, they all do it correctly, and without losing any fingers! Rachel is badly behind, and then she has enough oil in her pan to be deep frying her filet rather than searing it. So far we don't have any complaints about calling green beans by a fancy French name. Gospel Ty is the Rachel of his team. Tyler tells Cindy to run like the wind, Bullseye! Cindy says cooking is hard. All right, Asian Barbie, get off the stage. Chanda looks like she's wearing nothing but a bra under her apron, but that's not why Ty's flustered. As soon as the clock runs out, Ty is crying on Taylor's shoulder. At least he doesn't have a taboo about men expressing emotion? He's got less reason to be crying than Lazy Latina, who didn't get anything on her plate but her meat.
Tasting. Yo Gabba Gabba Donna recovered and did well. Taylor has chunky raw potato but good steak. Chanda is missing her carb, so she also has less on her plate than Ty. Manbun's beans are shriveled, isn't he too young for that? Lazy Latina does have good meat and the best stuffing of the day, but that doesn't make more food magically appear on her plate.
Rachel did manage a good plate, but with an asterisk for the help from Tyler. Holgie can actually follow a recipe when she's sober! Lawrence needs more salt, but he did well overall. Tyler freaks Ginny out with his deadpan, but she seems to be the winner so far. Ernie overdid his meat but redeemed himself with his sauce. Time for Cindy. Hold on a sec, I need to grab the popcorn. She also needs salt, and she didn't sear her meat well enough.
Judgment Day. Ginny comes back from the first challenge to get the win for the blue team! Yo Gabba Gabba Donna won for the red, but I feel like that needs an asterisk as well, since Anne needed to fix her putting an extra cup of sherry in the stuffing. Bottom two for each team are Rachel/Cindy and Ty/Lazy Latina. Please send Lazy Latina home!! Darn, she sends Ty home, time for him to start crying again. And no more Asian Barbie.
Tune in next week to see if Lazy Latina can stay alive.
No comments:
Post a Comment