Saturday, January 23, 2016

Hell's Kitchen - 18 Chefs

Here at Snarkfoods we're going to go crazy if we're just watching terrible "chefs" cook. So let's tackle Hell's Kitchen too instead of Worst Cooks for a minute - the 15th season of Hell's Kitchen, as a matter of fact. Gordon hasn't had a stroke or aneurysm yet, so we have 18 chefs vying to be his newest chef at....Bally's in Vegas. It's a slight downgrade from Caesar's Palace seen in previous years, but at least it's close by. 

Matter of fact, let's head to Vegas RIGHT NOW. The first test will not be in Hell's Kitchen, but will take place at BLT Steak in Vegas where the winner will assume his/her place. 

(Yes they got off the bus at Caesar's, but the parade...across the Strip.....takes them to Bally's. I've walked this distance. It ain't that far.)

How come when I pop a balloon there isn't a Vegas showgirl that pops out? Nice opening though. Winter is coming after all. 

In the signature dish challenge at BLT, there are a few standouts - that remind us of Worst Cooks in America. Mark (Black mussels with chorizo) serves a bland dish that causes Gordon to just shake his head and sigh. Meese served a pork loin that is dry as a bone. Vanessa, who cooks for first class passengers, serves an eggplant dish that Gordon "wouldn't serve to coach class". Kevin served a chicken ceasar pizza that looks terrible, uses prepared dough, and uses premade caesar salad dressing which prompts Gordon to wonder why the hell he is there - I think we have an early leader for the first elimination from Kevin. Alan's maple-glazed salmon gets questions as to why maple glaze was put into a risotto - strange. 

2 - Sharkenna (crab stuffed salmon), Ashley (ostrich filet), 

3 - Eddie (Bambi tenderloin), Frank (Penne a la vodka), Joe (creamy polenta), Jackie (seared scallop - just one - but tasty), Kristin, whose food was recommended by her probation officer (grilled pork tenderloin with garlic aioli), Ariel (Shakshuska, a middle eastern dish I hadn't heard of before but looks pretty good), Manda (corn-flake fried scallops, weird like her as she says). 

Danni (pan-seared scallops with Thai Curry sauce), Jared (halibut on Alaskan king crab cake), Chad (partridge breast) and Hassan (pan-seared scallops) impress Gordon with nice dishes to score 4's. 

The men win with Hassan's scallops providing a 1-point win. The men's reward is a nice observation tour on the High Roller and VIP exclusivity at a nightclub. The ladies get to go to the Bally's buffet to prep it - including a thousand pounds of potatoes. 

The next day we are back in LA, prepping for dinner service. Knives, dorms, and jackets are given and we're ready to go - maybe. Joe has trouble hearing the first order and Alan screws up every order of scallops after his first batch while also firing tuna early without an order coming in. Vanessa is so flustered on the appetizer station that the ENTIRE TEAM has to take over her station. 

The rest of the red team pulls together nicely and has a smooth service. They all fill in well on the appetizers, and Sharkenna nails her Wellington dishes. They don't have any problems that get broadcast and finish the service - not bad!

The blue team doesn't fare as well. Gordon eventually has enough of burned pizzas, raw scallops, undercooked risotto, and eventually blue patrons leaving that he sends the blue team upstairs. Jared and Eddie came in from tableside service to help in the kitchen from being so far behind, but it didn't help. Undercooked lobster is the last straw as Gordon exiles the blue team from the kitchen. The signature dish win now means nothing. Congrats boys!

Elimination discussion - Alan, Mark and Kevin all deserve to go home from the dinner service - and they all got 1's on the signature dish challenge to boot. Mark and Kevin get nominated, and Mark is sent home - surprised me, I thought Kevin would go based on just how awful his dish was in the signature challenge and how lost he looked but he lasts another week. 

Next week: Partying, gyrations, nudity, hangovers, and distractions for our remaining 17 chefs. Also, sumo wrestling - BOOBS! Man-boobs, but still. 

GONE: Mark
HOT SEAT: Kevin, Vanessa, Alan
FRONTRUNNER: Damned if I know, but the entire red team except Vanessa would qualify I guess. 

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