"16 Chefs Compete." What kind of episode title is that? HK does this for their episode titles every season these days, and it always annoys me. Yes, this title tells us something useful, since it's only the second episode and we started with 18 chefs, but still, at least use a funny like from the episode like they do on Amazing Race! The show is rated for profanity. Gee, really? I never would have guessed that. In the opening credits, I love the look on Ramsay's face as he's playing the pinball machine. At least the opening credits are good every season.
Last week on Hell's Kitchen, anorexic wanna-be actors and actresses got to stay anorexic since they had almost no food served to them. It seems weird to me that they use actors and actresses as the dinner guests...I wish it were open to the public. At least I'd love to see my step-brother, Sean, get to go. Even if he focuses more on script-writing these days, he is an actor in LA.
And now, the continuation of Hell's Kitchen. Chino of the dumb-look-that-makes-you-expect-to-see-drool survived elimination this time, but we'll see what happens for the future. No matter what, I definitely do not see him winning. After the elimination, Chris is sharing his view of how dinner service went and talking about facing reality. Chris, I hate to tell you, but despite it being "reality tv," Hell's Kitchen and reality don't usually seem to go together. Usually it's the girls' team that starts bickering first, but this season it's the boys. Gordon starts with the rude wake-up calls a little early this season, so we get to see who sleeps in just their boxers. "Oh, God, where are my pants?!?" Not usually something you hear on a food show! I'm also wondering what one of the blondes is carrying in her teeth. Jonathan gets a nice wake-up out of it, as he notices the girls in some skimpy pjs.
The team challenge is going back to basics to grill 4 cuts of meat according to the doneness he requests. Natalie says she likes some good meat. Brings my (gutter-based) mind back to Food Network Star and Mary Beth saying she likes a bone. Hopefully no one screws up and forgets which is the rib-eye and which is the strip (the other 2 cuts are filet and a burger). Elise and Carrie are paired together and spend the whole time having a cat fight while they try to cook. Brandon is confident, but as Bobby Flay likes to say, "There are two kinds of men, those who can grill and those who think they can grill." The narrator talks about the contestants frantically trying to work their meat. Man, this is way too much fun for a brain like mine! Krupa and Amanda get a perfect score, and Krupa says she would kiss Amanda on the lips if they had been given time to brush their teeth. Elise blames their bad cuts on Carrie, which is funny since she spent most of the time pushing Carrie out of the way and keeping her from cooking. Chino finds a bit of salvation; maybe he just needs to be kept away from the fish? The boys end up winning by one piece of meat. As the guys' last few pieces were being tested, Jennifer is begging for them to screw it up...nice sportsmanship there, honeypie. One of the guys describes the blue team as hugging like girls when they won, but those were full-on Man Hugs. Paul thinks he's a big deal...can't wait for him to get slapped down a peg or two!
The women get to clean the grills and bitch about it as the first part of their punishment. Elise, weren't you the one last night complaining about having to do the punishment when you hadn't made the team lose? There's your karma, bitch! Elise complains about others being rude and says she gets along with everyone. Um, no, Elise, you get along with people about as well as Penny. Dave comments, "Elise, we've seen your type before on Hell's Kitchen, and they never win." The narrator talks about the men's team being united. For now. We'll see how long that lasts. The guys get a nice lunch with Ramsay while the girls get the meat from earlier after a trip through the blender. Dave, this is what your Thanksgiving was almost like one year! "Yeah, that's why I decided not to have my wisdom teeth out just before Thanksgiving. One of the girls makes a bitchy comment (surprise, surprise) about one of the blondes being used to having meat in her mouth. You know, it's ok when I say that, I'm just putting it online for almost no one to read. It's completely different when you say that on camera!
We cut to the guys at their dinner, and Paul talks about not being distracted by a significant other. Dude, just because no one wants to have sex with you, you don't have to see yourself as above other people that may have more distractions. Will talks about living up to the family name...trust the Jersey boy to be worried about the status of the family name. Brendan talks ad nauseum about his favorite subject, himself.
The girls get to carry and disassemble a whole cow. Reminds me of a restaurant in Charleston where the chef buys pigs whole and uses all of the parts. Talk about getting up close and personal with their ingredients! The girls start gelling as a team as they have fun with this part of the punishment. They study and quiz each other on the ingredients and dishes while doing the prep for them. That's something I've never seen on the show before, but I love it. The question is, will they now be able to remember all of the dishes on the menu unlike Matt from a couple seasons back. After the guys get back, most of the girls are still studying, but Carrie has enough wine to stumble as she invites one of the guys to her bed. Good thing none of the others have gone to bed yet! You two can just go home now if you want...this isn't going to end like Holly and Blue Jay. On the other hand, either of you might get sent home after tomorrow's dinner service, might as well do what you can while you can.
Before dinner service, the girls each check their station to make sure they have everything they need. Elise takes a leadership role on this, and so far it hasn't backfired. Ah, tableside service, first of Caesar salads and then of prime rib. Ramsay's increasing the degree of difficulty earlier in the season this time. Gina's silent at her station when asked for a time until she's ready. Gina, speak, Ooboo! Brendan describes someone as acting like a chipmunk on meth, and Dave wonders how much meth Brendan has taken to come up with that description as well as what color his chipmunks are. Maybe he's seen chipmunks near a college campus? Chip and Dale?
This year's risotto just does not look appealing, even when done right. It just looks bland and mealy. Chino keeps making the same mistakes on his risotto. At least he's consistent. Consistently bad, but consistent nonetheless. Carrie tears up, and Dave wonders who switched her with Alicia from FNS. There's been a mistake in casting, folks! One contestant is described as being on another like white on rice, and we wonder if Carrie wants to be on her man like white on rice. Chino finally nails a risotto after how many times? And then comes the fish debacle. Brendan brings up the same piece of fish a second time and claims to have thrown the first one away when Ramsay calls him on it. Ramsay tells him to find the first piece if he has to root through the trash to do it, and we have our preview shot from last week. Seriously, lying to Chef Ramsay?!? How dumb can you be? Besides, Brendan, if it was sent back once, what makes you think it wouldn't be sent about again? It was sent back for being burnt, not raw. Brendan, if you can't replace the fish with a refire, you're fired.
Elise is all over the kitchen to the point where we can't even tell what station she's supposed to be working. Ramsay dresses her down and says in the process that he's not God. Really, Ramsay? You usually seem to do your best to dispel the notion of you not being God. Things start moving more smoothly until the blue team can't cook duck and calls it a different bird. Seriously, learn your damned poultry! That's as bad as a couple seasons ago when Fran couldn't tell the difference between crab and lobster. The diners are wanting more wine for their wait and another breadbasket to absorb the wine so that at least one person per table can drive home. If they're lucky, James will slip the number of a local pizza joint into the breadbaskets. I would pay to see the opening service at one point have a Dominoes guy pull up. Krupa drops the whole prime rib on the floor and needs some from the guys. Nice job there, Grace. Course, the way the guys are going, Krupa, you can have all of the blue team's prime rib because they won't end up serving anyone.
The guys are shut down and Dave is glad Steven's not around to offer to wash pans. "After all, it's Hell's Kitchen, not Hell's Dishwasher." The guys are mad, but the ultimate question is, will anyone go as crazy as Raj last season? We're seeing Chino and Brendan going up for elimination. Monterray didn't even have a chance to screw up, so he's safe. The guys are especially pissed that they lost to girls, which is one thing I hate about the guy/girl team division. The girls are sent to take over the blue kitchen and are appalled at the mess. Hooray, no more anorexics, everyone got to eat! We're not sure if that's ever happened in Week 2 before.
Chino doesn't agree with being sent up for elimination with Brendan because he didn't say anything wrong. That's the problem, Chino, you didn't say anything at all. You went from your mouth hanging open to closing it completely. However, arguing with your team about being chosen isn't necessarily the right time to start opening your mouth. Ramsay asks Chino and Brendan what he hasn't seen in them that is a reason he should keep them. Brendan lists a couple qualities, including character. Seriously?? You lie to Chef Ramsay and say that one of your qualities is character?? Well, character is one of the things that he has not seen in you so far! Dave decides he has to listen to this part again and comment. The first quality Brendan mentions is heart. "Well, yes, Brendan, you do have a heart, you're not dead on the floor." Character. "A very bad character where you're calling people names and lying to Ramsay." Those things can't be taught. "And you cannot learn." I want to apologize to you, Chef, about the fish; I was mistaken. "Come on, that's not a mistake!" Chino gets to speak and for the second week in a row basically says he's in over his head. Dave says he should have gotten sent home last week instead of Steven, and I reply, "Yeah, but there could only be one porn star on this season and it had to be Carrie." We're rooting for a double elimination, and Dave says that they can't lose, whoever he eliminates. Well, you can't lose unless you're the blue team that has to take one of them back. Dave notices as we go to commercial that there is enough time left in the episode that Ramsay could conceivably eliminate both of them. Unfortunately, he does not, only Brendan goes home. Lucky for Ramsay, he no longer has to listen to Brendan babble. On his way out, Brendan says, "Don't hate the player, hate the game," and Dave wonders what that really means. To me, it means, "Don't hate on the man-slut." With his parting words, Brendan asks Carrie to call him. I thought usually it was the girl hoping the guy would call in the morning.
Dave: "Next season on Kitchen Nightmares, visit Brendan's restaurant in New York, the site of a major rat infestation. No, I'm not talking about just the owner/head chef." Now that the blue team is down 3, Ramsay asks for a volunteer from the red team to switch sides. Ooh, ooh, I'd pay for it to be Elise! The blue team tries to countermand Ramsay, saying they don't need the help. Yeah, backtalk the big boss, that's a good plan. Monterray gives his opinion about the switch, starting, "With all due respect..." Usually when someone says "with all due respect," they're not actually showing any respect.
In the preview for next week, the narrator talks about the group facing their worst fears as they get woken up by clowns. You know, I've never understood that whole being afraid of clowns thing. Then comes children's day at Hell's Kitchen. If I were a mom, I think I'd be scared to bring my child around Ramsay in this kind of setting. I'm going to have enough of a hard time curbing my own tongue so my kids don't hear me curse, let alone Ramsay!
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