I'm finally emerging from the haze of medication and finding an appetite again. Let's see if this makes me lose my appetite again. Looking at the synopsis on the DVR, we are (pretending to be) sad that Hashtag Manic Squirrel left before Buzzword Day.
Some of the girls are in the car mourning that the guys are staying in the top 3. Michelle gags a bit, and Mike comments that this probably isn't the first time a guy has made her do that. Trish will like this challenge for Shoot the Food, since they have to photograph their dish. Emilia body checks Football Eddie to get to the mussels, and her Thai red curry mussels make me want to try it despite generally not liking mussels. Football Eddie's seared scallops are SEXY...I don't want someone to break me off a piece of that, I want the whole thing. Michelle wants to deconstruct a ratatouille...isn't that called a farmers' market basket? Brian Boitano gets creative with plating his crostini...since all of the plates are taken, he turns small bowls upside down to create pedestals for his creation. Sandwich King starts out with some decent looking crab cakes - this Maryland girl can see the lumps inside. But then he ruins it to the point where Mike is yelling at the screen like it's a football game. Because then when we yell at the screen, it DOES affect the outcome, damnit!! He tops those little lovelies with generic poofy slider buns. You're killin' me, Smalls!!!
Giada and Bobby aren't even going to taste two of the dishes, so the sex appeal of the photos really does matter. The first one they pick is Football Eddie's scallops, and they agree with me. SO jealous I didn't get to taste it! Lenny is next with his steak over blue potatoes. Stage Fright Dom is engaging, and so is his eggplant parm. Brian Boitano's plating earns him a taste, but his personality and food are not as engaging. Michelle's deconstructed ratatouille (animated character meets a spring trap?) and her presentation are both described as lacking their usual spunk. Mama Rosa describes her meatballs as "basic" and Bobby gets on her for underselling herself, but Giada thinks she was on par with her description. Mama Sita needs a lesson from Gladys Knight on the flavor of chicken and waffles. The last dish to be tasted are Emilia's mussels, so Rue and Sandwich King lose out. Dom actually wins something! Let's see if it helps in the next challenge.
Ooh, Geoffrey Zakarian and Sunny Anderson! We learn from Armenian Mama that Geoffrey shares her nationality. Well, that answers that question. We also learn that it's apparently a trend to make food that sounds like it should be gross. Dom needs a vocabulary lesson since he apparently didn't learn "incendiary" in school. Do they not take the SATs on Staten Island? We have teams of guys versus girls. They have to make a raw appetizer, a burnt salad, a stinky entree, a slimy soup, and an incendiary dessert. Dom talks about the essence of "stank" like he's on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.
At presentation time, the girls decide to go raunchy and offer Fifty Shades of Flay. Rue has bland steak tartare on warm bone marrow, which slightly cooks the steak. Armenian Mama fails to seduce with a slimy spinach soup with eggplant tentacles...oh, wait, octopus tentacles! She knows what eggplant testicles are, thankyouverymuch! However, she wants to throw everyone else overboard and go on a private cruise with Geoffrey, while Sunny wants to take the eggplant testicles to the face. Rule 34??? I will note that, in the adventures of my changing appetite, eggplant testicles made me hungry. I got ham and smoked Gouda and crackers, though. Mama Rosa makes a burnt fennel salad that isn't as sexy as it sounds despite her pun about diners being burnt out. The ship is going down, and the little man in the boat is unhappy. Which one is the little man, Bobby or Geoffrey? Mama Sita has made my go-to of penne, but she made it with crab. Waste of good crabmeat if you ask me, and crab and garlic do not "stinky" make. Emilia is flaming her spicy mango napoleon with meringue tableside and has a much more successful napoleon than I ever see on Chopped.
The men have no theme other than "Boys rule, girls drool!" Sandwich King did not make a sandwich but did a lovely tuna tartare with radishes for the raw app. I want! I miss raw tuna! Lenny is worried about his slimy gumbo. It looks like his roux seized up. Pathetic for a Louisiana boy. Football Eddie freezes up in his presentation, and the burnt element of his salad is not visible. Dom does bring the stank with his Gorgonzola polenta. Brian Boitano also needs a vocab lesson, as he can't remember how to pronounce the word incendiary and never uses it in his presentation.
Going into judgment, we think Mama Sita and Rue are most likely to go home, with our money on Rue since she also missed tasting in the first challenge. I hope not, though, because she brings something really new that I would love to watch. I love things like South African peanut soup, and I'd love to learn to make more African cuisine (no Somalian foreign aid jokes, please). Armenian Mama and her eggplant testicles were the best on the women's side, with Emilia second. The men were better on the food and the women won on presentation, so neither team came away with a win. Brian Boitano and Dom won on the men's side, but Michelle won overall. Whew, Rue is safe!! Football Eddie is in the bottom three, though. He's safe, and hopefully that lights a fire under his butt. Rosa is safe, too, and Mama Sita goes home. She would have gone home last week except for Manic Squirrel being a cocky jerk. Mama Sita comments that they won't get to taste what she can do. Um, they already did, honey, that was your problem.
All right, now that we're caught up, I will try to be more prompt with our next installment. But for now, more cheese and crackers.
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