Sorry I didn't get to this sooner, but I was still sleeping off the Fourth...or falling asleep too early after work each night, but the other sounded cooler. Let's see if the contestants' lives are more interesting than my own.
Ooh, is it time for the Chopped challenge? No, everyone has something different, all their favorite ingredients. Lenny Jr. says he's licking his chops for the venison on his board, but it looks more like he's licking his lips over Giada's cheerleader outfit (which Mike keeps rewinding to see). Speaking of boobies, Dom says that ricotta is mother's milk to him. When was Patrick going to tell us that it tastes like ricotta??? Eddie Football knows habaneros like the back of his hand...just don't rub that back of the hand across your eyes, buddy.
Uh oh, now they have to switch ingredients with someone else. Eddie gets Michelle's grape leaves and wonders what a Southern boy can do with that, while I'm wondering how they would taste cooked up like collards. I'd try it some time to see if I didn't hate collards! Rue just got Lenny's venison when it seems from her cooking like they don't have meat anywhere in South Africa. At least Lenny gets a protein in Rue's fish. Eddie Football thinks the same way I do, using them instead of collards in a sausage soup. Ok, maybe I will try it that way, I like kale in soups like the one at Olive Garden. Rue is going to a deconstructed pot roast with Lenny's gorgeous venison. In other words she's going to overcook the hell out of it and then scatter it around on the plate with a few other things? Michelle uses habaneros to overpower her shrimp. Brian Boitano switched from shrimp to scallops because it's ok if they're a little raw. I guess that's one way to learn from your mistakes? Dom has five spice and wants to make a dish like one he used to get on the way to see his grandmother in Flushing Queens. All I know about Flushing Queens comes from watching The Nanny as a kid, but Mike says it's a heavily Asian area, so that might work out well. Alex is going to use ricotta to make cucumber tea sandwiches...maybe he can have a tea party with a group of 5-year-old girls afterwards?
Michelle's plate looks beautiful, but we'll see how hot it is. The judges tell them to switch plates again and then cut to commercial before telling us why. Maybe they have to taste and describe the other dishes like they're doing a tasting on camera? Bingo! They do get to be a little critical, though, like they're on Chopped instead of like they're having to play up someone's dish on another show. Michelle actually doesn't have enough heat to her dish. Michelle did a better job than Eddie in describing, which makes sense since she's a food blogger. Emilia is kinda harsh in her description, but the judges agree with her about the scallops needing more of a sear on them. Brian Boitano wants to eat the whole meal before speaking, and then he gets slammed for saying there's too much salt when there isn't and for not being descriptive enough. Dom wants to know if Sandwich King II treated his ricotta with tender loving care. We don't need to know what you do in your bedroom with your mother's milk, hon. Alex doesn't see Dom crushing tea sandwiches with his boys on Staten Island. We'll see if they both manage to out-feminize Brian Boitano during this segment. Now Dom is comparing ricotta and lemon to PB&J. Wow, Mr. Asian Cuisine Sandwich King can't name the five spices in Five Spice, and in Giada's reaction we see what looks like the exact opposite of her O-face. I can at least name more than half of them! Now let's see how Rue did on her venison. It's not overcooked!! Lenny thinks she did justice to the animal and was effective at describing what venison actually is. Rue described Lenny as having "attempted" to grill the fish, and she was eloquent in describing what the fish should be and why it wasn't that way. As we thought, Rue won for the first time!
The judges have an experiment to try to help discern their cooking styles. Brian Boitano wants the experimenting to stop as he says, "Let me do me!" He seems more like he wants to be doing others, but hey. The judges think they have pairs that can work together well. Eddie Football/Mckayla is not impressed. Time for the coupling up! Giada thinks Brian Boitano will be "fabulous" with Michelle, who Brian does NOT want to work with. Rue's reward for winning the last challenge is that she gets to switch her pairing. She got Dom but wanted Brian Boitano, so now Dom is paired with Michelle. And you can see how thrilled he is. You know, it's pretty bad when even Mr. Stage Fright doesn't want to be paired with you!
The pairs have to make a meal for Match.com that pulls their POVs into one cohesive dish. Eddie Football and the Sandwich King are meshing like peanut butter and jelly as they make a jerk chicken banh mi. Lenny and Emilia make a Cajun pork loin over polenta. Rue and Brian Boitano make an African and Asian surf and turf while Brian Boitano worries that Rue can't bring the spice. Michelle can't seem to do anything except snipe at Dom, who feels the need to supervise her every step of the way. Will she screw up anyway, or will he screw his own up in parenting her? Michelle calls this "The Dom Show, and I'm the dumb sidekick." Finally, some self-awareness!
Lenny and Emilia are plating and Emilia wants Lenny to get a lot of that pork sauce on the plate. Um, why is it yellow then? Emilia says the sauce is where the spice is... They don't get the sauce onto the plate, and the Brussels sprouts seem lacking on some. Their presentation is a hit, but the food? Eddie Football makes sure to talk first, and their presentation and dish show their bromance has staying power. Rue and Brian Boitano wait until service time to cook so that their meat isn't overcooked, but we'll see if the diners are ready for the Hunger Games. They do get the plates created but have no time to coordinate their presentation. Couldn't they have been doing that while they weren't cooking earlier? Their food is raw and touch at the same time and under-seasoned to boot. Michelle takes charge of the presentation since Dom took lead on the food because of Dom's stage friend. Dom doesn't like that, since the first thing he says criticizes marriage in general to a bunch of people wanting to get married. There's a winning play right there, babe. And Michelle doesn't know why he's upset. Dom's risotto is overcooked while Michelle's shrimp worked. Michelle and Dom are fighting like Kramer v. Kramer until Michelle walks off the set. Dom feels remorse and Drama Mama comes back to fight another round.
And fight she does until she is shut down by Anne Burrell telling her to put her Big Girl Panties on and deal with the hand she is dealt. Brian Boitano was wiping away tears at being told their dish has no flavor. He is safe, though. As is Dom, surprisingly, although he is on notice. I think Drama Mama's going, since Rue is so unique. And I'm wrong, very disappointingly. I really wanted to watch and cook from her show. I'm so disappointed I can't even make fun of her mascara running on camera.
Hopefully I'm happier after Sunday's judgment, and I will try to post it sooner!
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