Sunday, February 12, 2012

Worst Cooks in America - 2/12/12

Welcome back to SnarkFood, boys and girls!  The snark has been focused elsewhere for a while, but it's coming back to the food arena.  Tonight we start with the season opener, with Bobby Flay as this season's foil to Anne Burrell.  The show begins with "highlights" from the selection process.  We have a culinary student with uncooked food, a woman with pink hair who keeps putting herself (and once her husband) in the ER, and a woman who puts things that individually are good together and makes horrible combinations.  Seriously, woman, you are the right age to have learned from Full House the same as I did!  Michelle only got her cooking badge in Bumblebees once she stopped putting things like tuna fish and ice cream together and just made orange juice popsicles!

One woman considers herself "resourceful" in the kitchen as she dismantles bell peppers with shears and tells Bobby that he's not menopausal.  Oh, no, dishwasher salmon???  Who the hell cooks in the dishwasher??  Jurassic Mark agrees on Facebook: "Dishwasher salmon? You cook the salmon in the dishwasher????? End the show NOW- that guy is clear the worst!"  Someone comments that they've heard of it and that it's like using the appliance as a steamer. Then get a damned steamer!!  Mark replies: "My guess is that if you have a dishwasher, then you probably have an oven. Use it. If you are too lazy to cook in an oven, get out of the kitchen. And never invite me over for a meal. Or anything else. First it's dishwater salmon. Next it will be toilet tank gespacho."  Someone else posts a link to directions.  Still, really??  I agree with Mark: "There is NO WAY I would ever cook it in a dishwasher. EVER."  And Dave lets us know the next day that (until this gets posted) "toilet tank gazpacho" is indeed a GoogleNope.  Thank goodness!!!


I love Anne: "If that's cooking with love, I'd hate to see what she does to something she doesn't like!"  And Bobby: "Bennet's Cheesy Party is not a party I want to go to."  


Now we get to the team picks.  The interesting dynamic this time is that there's not such a stigma to being picked last, since each chef picks a person for themselves and then a person for the other person.  So the real problem is being the second person picked (even though the last person picked does end up getting all angsty over that fact).  Anne takes the one that seems to be frowning as he cooks, describing him as a sad puppy.


"We have only 8 weeks to turn two of you into awesome cooks."  The rest of you don't matter.  I like that as part of teaching breakfast, they're teaching them 4 different ways to make eggs.  "I want to make scrambled, because that's what I usually make accidentally."  Uh oh, Anne's going as far as separating eggs and beating egg whites.  I think I like Bobby's recipe better as a beginner's recipe.  As we continue to watch, Mark comments on his status with, "Did none of these people have parents who taught them to cook? The answer is no."

Tasting and judgment: I'd eat Vinnie's pancakes, they look great!  I love the comment of, "I really thought I could cook, but maybe my husband was right.  I don't want my husband to be right."  "That is the fabulous syrup.  It might also be cement syrup, or a candle, or a weapon."  Bobby: "Was there anything I did in my demonstration that confused you?"  Response: "Everything!" 


Anne's team: Anne tells Richard that he needs to get serious about wanting to learn.  Pink-haired Dorothy decides she's willing to color inside the lines in at least one area of her life.  Other than that, nothing special about evaluation.

Tiffany wins on the blue team and excited to have sucked the least this time.  Kelly wins on the red team with her "beautiful plate," as described by Anne.   Libby becomes the first to turn in her apron and is thinking of just never trying to cook again.  Richard is not given the chance to get serious in this arena but says that he is not going to give up and that he wants to learn to cook well enough that his girlfriend will say yes when he proposes.  Apparently this wake-up call was good for him (at least for as long as he's on camera).


Until next week, ladies and gentlemen.  In the meantime, Iron Chef America just came on with Chef Duff from Ace of Cakes as the challenger.  Oh, this'll be good, especially if it ends up being him against Mike Symon!

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