Welcome back to SnarkFood, boys and girls! The snark has been focused elsewhere for a while, but it's coming back to the food arena. Tonight we start with the season opener, with Bobby Flay as this season's foil to Anne Burrell. The show begins with "highlights" from the selection process. We have a culinary student with uncooked food, a woman with pink hair who keeps putting herself (and once her husband) in the ER, and a woman who puts things that individually are good together and makes horrible combinations. Seriously, woman, you are the right age to have learned from Full House the same as I did! Michelle only got her cooking badge in Bumblebees once she stopped putting things like tuna fish and ice cream together and just made orange juice popsicles!
One woman considers herself "resourceful" in the kitchen as she dismantles bell peppers with shears and tells Bobby that he's not menopausal. Oh, no, dishwasher salmon??? Who the hell cooks in the dishwasher?? Jurassic Mark agrees on Facebook:"My guess is that if you have a dishwasher, then you probably have an oven. Use it. If you are too lazy to cook in an oven, get out of the kitchen. And never invite me over for a meal. Or anything else. First it's dishwater salmon. Next it will be toilet tank gespacho."
Did none of these people have parents who taught them to cook? The answer is no."
Tasting and judgment: I'd eat Vinnie's pancakes, they look great! I love the comment of, "I really thought I could cook, but maybe my husband was right. I don't want my husband to be right." "That is the fabulous syrup. It might also be cement syrup, or a candle, or a weapon." Bobby: "Was there anything I did in my demonstration that confused you?" Response: "Everything!"
Anne's team: Anne tells Richard that he needs to get serious about wanting to learn. Pink-haired Dorothy decides she's willing to color inside the lines in at least one area of her life. Other than that, nothing special about evaluation.
Tiffany wins on the blue team and excited to have sucked the least this time. Kelly wins on the red team with her "beautiful plate," as described by Anne. Libby becomes the first to turn in her apron and is thinking of just never trying to cook again. Richard is not given the chance to get serious in this arena but says that he is not going to give up and that he wants to learn to cook well enough that his girlfriend will say yes when he proposes. Apparently this wake-up call was good for him (at least for as long as he's on camera).
Until next week, ladies and gentlemen. In the meantime, Iron Chef America just came on with Chef Duff from Ace of Cakes as the challenger. Oh, this'll be good, especially if it ends up being him against Mike Symon!
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